Letter to the man who prances around in his Speedo...

Sir:

Look, I'm sure you're a very nice man. When I saw you prancing around the apartment complex wearing only your cobalt-blue speedo and tennis shoes, sans towel, I looked the other way. Sure, it gave me the shivers, seeing as how you are my father's age and haven't an ounce of body fat, but I thought hey, it's Los Angeles, to each their own.

But when you took it a step further and started hiking your speedo down so I can see your CRACK while sunbathing, this becomes completely and ridiculously disgusting. Seriously, sir, your ASS CRACK is kissing the air. Not only are you already knocking on melanoma's door, but when your speedo abuse starts to infringe on one of the true joys in my life - namely, lounging by the pool on a Sunday afternoon enjoying a corona, this becomes personal.

How about we make a deal? You can continue to sashay your way around the apartment wearing your teensy-weensy cobalt-blue speedo and tennis shoes and I will just look the other way. But this business of pushing down your speedo so your ass crack is exposed simply has to STOP! Please! Stop, for the love of god!

Thanks, I'm glad we had this chat.