having ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

..wherein every fucking thing is driving me fucking mad!

-the fact that I have to work as an assistant

-2 of the 3 girls I'm in a "cube-box" with drive me crazy

-1 of the above-mentioned girls does this SUPER fucking annoying thing where EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME she's on the phone, she rubs her hands together. how do I know? the SOUND drives me fucking NUTS

-the same hand-rubbing girl has one of THE MOST obnoxious laughs ever.

-this is the same girl who leave her cell phone on audible ring DESPITE my asking her to put it on vibrate AND despite her leaving little post-it notes for me to LEAVE MY CELL PHONE ON SOMETHING SOFT SO WHEN IT VIBRATES, IT'S NOT NOISY. how fucking rude.

-oh, and the ring tone of her work phone is also driving me FUCKING batty.

-both of my bosses are driving me FUCKING batty.

-the fact that I just ate my lunch and then DEVOURED 2 normal-sized cookies, must to the distending of my belling and ensuing uncomfortably bloated and full feeling.

-the fact that I am so sore this morning I decided not to work out and go shopping instead.

-the fact that every single piece of crap clothing that I tried on at Macy's while shopping in their 50-75% off sale section fit my body like fucking crap, and that sizes keep fucking getting smaller because I am WORKING my ass off at the gym and I'm still not seeing smaller pant-sizes. what the FUCK is up with that

-my skin. my skin is absolutely making me batty and I want to itch it off.

-my scalp. being lazy and trying to be nicer to my hair, I didn't wash my hair this morning (or even get it wet), as I washed it twice yesterday (yesterday morning & then at the gym); instead, I straight-ironed my hair so it would look nice because I knew I wouldn't be going to the gym and consequently having to shower. and now my scalp is ITCHY.

-the fact that I took the fucking time to straight-iron my hair when all my clothes make me feel dumpy, schlumpy, and not at all sleek and sophisticated. since the sleek and sophisticated clothes are all TOO FUCKING SMALL.

-further, the fact that my straight-ironed bangs contain 1 obnoxiously hostile piece that keeps falling in my fucking eyes and refuses to stay with the rest of the bangs.

-the fact that I can't control my fucking apetite and eat like I'm feeding the whole herd (which coincidentally apparently happens to be: my gut, my hips, both thighs, my upper arms, and my upper legs)

-the fact that I still have feelings of tiredness despite having slept 3 nights in a row (thank you, ambien).

-the fact that my fucking job is SO FUCKING BORING that I maybe, maybe have enough actual work to fill about 23 minutes in a day.

-the fact that when I call my local pharmacy to refill a prescription (ambien), the automated system uses the word "TELEMANDER". seriously.

***
And how are all of you?

Alls I gots ta say...

...is that in about 10 minutes, I am fully intending to be in bed, soundly asleep. I've had absolute crap sleep the last 2 nights, and the turbo kick box class I did today at the gym totally kicked my ass. I'm sore, tired, grouchy, and I'M GOING TO BED.

But first, I have to vent a bit. I work for a few people, and one of those people (not my main boss) is BITCH. B-I-T-C-H. I know I resolved not to blog about work because we've all heard about Dooce - but I just can't help myself at the moment. She is seriously the MOST difficult person I've had to work for in a long time. In all seriousness, I think she would probably benefit from medication...I know I'd benefit from her being on meds!!!

(Now let's just hope this doesn't get me Dooced, although I don't think anyone at work is aware of this site.)

Things that would have been nice...

At the risk of sounding ungrateful, I have a few things to vent about concerning my birthday. The following two (2) items really could have added to the already wonderful day that was my Birthday.

1. Having my bosses (I have two of them) at least acknowledge my birthday. I wasn't asking for gifts, nothing crazy, just perhaps a card...definitely a "happy birthday". Did that happen? NO. Not even after I brought in a cake (I got an extra one - long story) and sent them an email - hey, there's cake in the kitchen in honor of my birthday yesterday. I even had one of my bosses tell me "mmm, great cake!" and continue walking down the hall. No, I am not lying. I suppose what makes this even more maddening for me is the fact that overall, my bosses are very nice people; anyone within our little group (which is a subgroup of a much larger group) who has a birthday gets something from my boss. Also, the group always signs a group birthday card for that person. Did I even get a group birthday card? NO. I'm now thinking I'll feel that much less badly about jumping ship once I'm licensed.

2. Actually receiving my birthday package from a good friend of mine. Apparently, FedEx left it at my door at 10:55 am on Friday morning. When I got home, it wasn't there. It would appear that someone stole it. I LOVE LIVING WITH THIEVES! At least the company is sending a replacement gift to a store near me so I can go pick it up. And at least I've learned to NEVER have anything sent to my home unless my signature is required. Ridiculous.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Today has been AWESOME. Aside from getting up way too early because of the phone ringing (someone on the East code to tell me Happy Birthday!) - once the phone rang & I stayed awake because I was so excited it was my birthday! But I compensated that up-too-early by having a FANTASTIC 2 hour nap this afternoon. It was AWESOME. We went out for Waffles, then we went to REI to pick up a birthday present for me from my parents (camping gear, Woo-Hoo!), then to pick up a ring that was being repaired, then (drum roll, please) to the outlet mall for one specific store: Coach. I got the cutest pink Coach wallet! And I saved MORE than I spent! Which is a great feeling to have any day, much less on your birthday! Oh, and Husband got me a Coach purse - he's so good! He also brought me a dozen roses...I think I'll keep him. :-)

In any event, I'm about to take my new purse & wallet out to a lovely dinner at one of my favorite Italian joints (Maggiano's Little Italy).

Last night we went to a movie - The Pursuit of Happyness. It is probably one of the best movies I've seen! You should all go see it!

Okay, I'm off to eat CARBS, BEAUTIFUL CARBS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

KITTEN LUV!

Here are my kitties, Cooper Rufus on the Left, Jiminy Cricket on the right, totally busted in mid-cuddle. In fact, I don't think Jiminy could be cuddled any closer to Cooper, who seems to be on the fence about whether to let himself enjoy it and go to sleep, or get the hell out. Turns out he went with the former option, and they were both soon soundly asleep. More often than not, this is what I come home to every day. How lucky am I?

Do you suppose they'll cuddle with me on my birthday on Sunday? (And here you were wondering how I was going to work in mentioning my birthday...fear not, I'll always find a way!)

HA!

Secured Transactions can KISS MY GLOWING WHITE BIRTHDAY ASS.

HA!

HEAR ME ROAR! R-O-A-R!

I am SUPERWOMAN. Today, not only did I completely finish AND PUT AWAY all the laundry (a *huge* feat!), but I accomplished 9 of the 11 essays on my to-do list. And the house is clean (thank you, Husband), and there are clean sheets on the bed (thank you, me), and I'm only a half-hour late to bed.

However, today commences the WEEK OF MY BIRTHDAY, so I'm allowed to stay up late. Ha! That's right, you will get to hear about my birthday all week. I know it's not until next Sunday, but I'm a firm believer of the week-long-birthday school of thought.

Okay, I am tired, though, and I'm going to purposely ignore the fact that the last load of towels just finished in the dryer (okay, so I lied about having finished all the laundry) and go to bed. I even get to sleep in a little bit tomorrow morning - I don't have to go straight to work because I have to go to the doctor's. Hooray for sick time!

Holy Crap

A co-worker I sit next to asked me today in a very nonchalant, calm voice, "so, when is the bar exam again?"

I say the dates, and then at the calendar... and see to my absolute nausea that it's only approximately 5 1/2 weeks away. Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck!!! Holy crap - where is the time going? If only I didn't have to work right now. Sigh. Why is money so evil? I am on a reduced work schedule so I get home earlier and have more time in the evenings, but still...I'm SO envious of all of those people who just have to get up, perhaps go to a Bar/Bri lecture, and get the REST OF THE ENTIRE DAY to study!

I did come home and just finished a good, solid evening of studying. And I really want to go sit in front of the TV for a spell, but I've stayed up late every night this week and am TIRED, and I have to be somewhat well rested tomorrow, as I have to come home and write essays like a madwoman. I already have my second set of essays due for my tutor this weekend.

Oh, and my birthday is in just over a week. My golden birthday...wherein I turn 28 on the 28th. I'm not feeling AT ALL thrilled about this birthday. In fact, I'd prefer if it didn't come at all - just stay right where you are! However, that doesn't have any impact whatsoever on my ability to accept, nay, cherish, presents. In fact, lots and lots and lots of presents would surely ease this, don't you think? I'm sure lots of you will think I'm silly for feeling all terrified of turning 28; it's not because I'll be 28, it's because 30 is that much more real. And seriously, when the hell am I going to get my shit together and pass the damn bar exam already? Bloody hell.

Personally, I can't think of anything more fun...

...than to spend a day off from work (work Holiday today) sitting in my pajamas, studying for the bar exam. Seriously. I mean, taking a nap? watching TV? playing with the cats? going shoe shopping? picking my nose? PSHAW!

Although I haven't exactly spent the day thus far studying...oh, I have for the past 20 minutes or so. See, by the time I actually dragged my sorry ass out of bed, I then had to sit in front of the TV watching VH1 music videos for an hour and a half (my time was rewarded - I saw the new U2 video!), catching up on news (only fluffy entertainment gossip), and then talking to a friend for almost an hour. And then just as I was about to get serious, Husband came home for lunch so there went another half hour. Just so many demands on my time! Sheesh! What's a girl to do?!?

So now I'm about to do my first set of essays to turn in to my tutor. I'm supposed to do them in exam-simulated conditions - I suppose my burning scented candles (where would I be without my non-vegan-approved Yankee candles?) & drinking hot tea while wearing pajamas and slippers doesn't exactly count! Oh well - I'll do them without cheating and timed. Sigh. At least it's only 3 questins, so that's only 2 hours & 15 minutes.

And after that, you ask? Do I get to go watch some '80's movies? No! No Pretty In Pink for me today. I get to tackle Admin Law next. My toes are quivering with excitement. I know you're all unbelievably jealous. It's okay - I won't tell a soul.

It's a Saturday Night: do you know where your pajamas are?

Hooray for an entire Saturday spent in pajamas!

I did manage to study - I actually kept on track with my schedule, and even got in a lovely 2 1/2 hour nap! What ridiculousness! I felt so indulgent...it was wonderful.

And now I'm currently in the midst of obsessively watching U2's new video on You Tube - Window in the Skies. It's fucking AWESOME! If I wasn't still in my pajamas and it wasn't almost 10:oo at night, I'd go out and buy the single. Yes yes yes I know I could just get it on iTunes, but when it comes to matters of U2, I need to physically have it in my grubby little hands - it's just part of the magic. Sort of how I still like the process of dropping off film and going to get it in a few days. Not really convenient, but so much more magical!

So go now and do your duty as a human - go to You Tube and check out the video. Not only is it an awesome song, it's an awesome fucking video!

Back in the saddle again...

Liveblogging writing an essay:

Typing makes it appear as though I have a helluva lot less to say! (And yes, I did have a lot less to say - I came up about 2600 characters less than the allotted maximum number. Guess I better work on some serious issue spotting!!! Um, and add to that proper rule recitation!)

Getting back into writing essays again is RIDICULOUS. I know the first few are always the hardest, but this first essay makes me want lay on the floor and have a temper tantrum! Scratch that, it makes me want to take a sharp stick to the eye. I feel like I don't know anything, and I just did a little outline prior to doing this essay. I keep having to fight the urge to look at my notes!

***
This time around I'm tempting the gods and Murphy's Law and typing the exam. Scary, but oh well. I type SO much faster than I can write (who doesn't) that it doesn't really make sense not to type. So I'm being brave and trying it.

I'm also working with a bona fide essay tutor this time around - complete with a schedule and everything. Scary. But I think it should be good. I met with her on Sunday morning for the first time and I really like her. I think her way of approaching critiquing my writing will work well with how I learn. And I am feeling really motivated and positive (aside from the whole sharp-stick-to-the-eye bit earlier), so I'm feeling good.

I'm also feeling good because my manager approved me having a decreased work week from now until the bar exam, so I can get home earlier to study. It should (on a normal day) get me home in time to do a full hour of studying before I would usually get home. Today it took me an hour and a half just to get home, which was icky to say the least - I think everyone left work early due to forecasts of potential snow. The long bus ride did give me a chance to sleep - thank goodness for my cell phone alarm clock!

Are there any other lonely February takers out there? I at some level feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall...on the other hand, however, this is something I want so badly that I'm not sure a brick wall would stop me. Some might call that being stubborn, I call it being tenacious. Heck, let's just call it being full to the brim of perserverance, shall we?

And then there's the times when life throws you a whole pile of poo. A stinky pile of poo.

I have had a seriously rough week. It's been one of the most emotionally draining I've had in a very, very long time.

I originally joined MySpace to reconnect with people I went to college & boarding school with - which I have. And it's been neat to get back in touch with people again. However, this week I discovered the negative side of MySpace.

I'm sure everyone has had at least one person in their life who has had an entirely evil presence. I have one. Unfortunately for me, not only was it evil, it was traumatic and took a long time for me to get to a place where I was okay again.

This person found my MySpace page. He started harassing me once again. It has been hard.


***
I'm not exactly sure why I decided to share this with you... perhaps I just needed to vent?


1/6/07 UPDATE: As two of you have suggested, I did block this person. My first inclination was to delete my MySpace account, but why should I have to do that? This person has caused me to change enough things, I'm drawing the line. I did contact authorities and got advice on how to block this person three different ways - a "blocking trifecta" if you will. There are also people monitoring him daily. It's nice to have people.

Hmmm

I'm not feeling very verbal as of late, but want to post. So I apologize in advance if this is a bit laborious to read.

Skiing was awesome. We had 2 days of perfect weather - sunny, warm, and not a cloud to be seen. It was fantastic. Christmas itself was nice - it was nice to spend it with family and have snow!

I decided to join a gym this last week. It was time. Not really anything to do with New Year's Resolutions...I've been thinking about joining for a while, and finally decided to just do it. Yesterday's workout consisted of a kickboxing class. It was AWESOME!!! I'm totally addicted to it now - it felt so good to hit something! Now I'm going to have to get my own boxing gloves so I don't have to use the gym's smelly ones. I figured I'd probably be sore today, but HOLY COW!!! I'm sore everywhere! I think maybe the only thing that doesn't hurt are my toenails. But it was awesome! I'd highly recommend it to everyone.

Last night we got the key for the new unit, and we moved over 4 boxes. It'll be interesting to try and pack/move/unpack being this sore! My sister & her family are coming up tonight to both help us and spend New Years with us. I'm very excited to see her & my niece and nephew...and my brother-in-law. It'll be nice to have family here, too. I think this will be the first time she's really seen my home since I got married, so I'm very excited for this!

I hope everyone has a great New Years! Make some good resolutions!

Happy Holidays!!!

Well, tomorrow morning Husband & I depart for a lovely skiing holiday. We're going to Park City, Utah and will be seeing his mom, step-dad, a step-sister & her family - which includes 3 kids, ages 4, 6, and 8. I think it will be great fun to see the kids open up presents.

I am planning to ski, and Husband is going to snowboard. He wasn't ever really a skiier, and although it'd be fun to enjoy the mountains together, I really can't handle the thought of being in such pristine snow conditions and not being able to truly enjoy it by skiing! So I'll be skiing...he'll be somewhere getting lots of bruises snowboarding. Husband & I went on a walk tonight and as we were walking up a hill, he said "at this rate, I figure I'll be able to snowboard for a good 10-15 minutes." It certainly will be interesting to see how 2 out-of-shape people will fare in higher elevation after 2 days of serious exertion!

In any event, I hope everyone has a simply fantastic Holiday season - regardless of what you do or don't celebrate. See ya' next week!

Help!

I've become afflicted with a serious problem: no motivation. I don't want to do a fucking thing.

Any known cures?

Queries

Have you ever stayed up past your normal bedtime & then gotten "stuck" wherever you happened to be (i.e., glued to the couch watching TV), and couldn't get up to go to bed?

Have you ever realized that you can reach a point where you are too old to be out at the mall as you look weird/creepy if you don't have a baby/small child with you?

Have you ever gotten to the point where your house/apartment/living space is driving you crazy because it's gotten messy & needs straightening up, but it's made you so crazy you don't even want to deal with it?

Have you ever been studying for a bar exam and decided that perhaps you should look into the life of a gypsy?

Have you ever waited past the regular wet food feeding time for your cats and then realize that if you wait an hour or so, the cats stop whining for food and go back to sleep, and wonder what would happen if you just ... didn't feed them wet food tonight? After all, you are stuck on the couch and are tired enough to go straight to sleep after getting in bed...if only you could get to bed.

Have you ever cheated and found out what your Christmas presents are before Christmas?

Have you ever gotten annoyed with yourself for watching too much TV and wanted to just not watch any TV at all but again, you're stuck on the couch and can't move your arm over 2 feet to grab the remote?

Do you remember your favorite Christmas gift (okay, favorite present)? I don't from childhood. I think from adulthood it would have to be my Patagonia down vest Husband surprised me with (it was a complete surprise), tied with the SATC complete set he got me for my birthday that same winter. He claims he got me a gift-to-top-all-gifts this year for my birthday (which will be tough, given all the T&Co. jewelry he's given me over the span of our relationship, not to brag) and only spent $60. He keeps talking about it & it makes me want to smack him because I cannot handle not knowing something. I'm the type that wants to know everything about the movie BEFORE I go see it. I know, so anticlimactic. So ... un-endorseable.

Have you ever been thirsty for water but because you're lazy (okay, stuck on the couch) and the glass of juice is closer than the water, you drink the empty-calorie-laden beverage?

Have you ever gotten a nice, complement-garnering haircut and then shortly thereafter (say, 2 months) decided it's "not working" and that you have to break up & grow out your hair again? Not because you want it to be blah, but because short doesn't really work for your life - I mean, it'd be nice to be able to employ a ponytail when you're out of power for 3 whole days & can't wash your hair because the water is so cold you'd risk hypothermia. Not that I want to grow it out to my arse (yes, it's been that long - a long time ago) or not have a style, but would it be so terrible to have a longer style?

Have you ever wondered if perhaps you set out on the wrong career course and maybe you should just give up this whole "bar thing" already? Not that I'm considering doing that, I'm just so annoyed that I have to be doing this again because I missed 12 fucking points. Okay, I'm a little angry, too.

Have you ever gotten to the age where you realize that the Holidays really are more fun when kids are involved? This year Husband & I will be spending Christmas with his mom & step-dad and one of his step-sisters and her family. She has 3 kids - 4, 6, and 8 years, and I think Christmas morning (or Christmas Eve, as is the case in their family - which is just wrong!) will be so much fun to watch them open up gifts.

Speaking of Christmas morning vs. Eve, who out there falls where? My family was ALWAYS Christmas morning (unless it fell on our church day, then we had to wait until after it was over which was unbelievably rotten when you're 6 years old). Husband's family is Christmas Eve. I don't think I'll ever adjust to that - it makes Christmas morning seem so anticlimactic! This year I'm going to take a few small gifts from my family (sister, etc.) in my suitcase so I have something to open up on Christmas morning. Seriously.

Okay, I think that's about all the queries I have for now. I think it's really time to get unstuck from the couch, feed the cats their wet food, and go to bed.

POWER! IT'S A WONDERFUL THING!

On Thursday night at about 7:00 pm we lost power. We didn't get power back until last night, roughly 72 hours after we lost it. Holy moly, is it ever nice to have heat and lights again! You don't realize how automatic it is to walk into a room and switch on the lights until you can't. We were able to take hot showers on Friday morning, but that was it...until last night. I think I washed my hair twice and face about 3 times. No, really. There is something so nice about a hot shower.

There are still lots and lots of people without power...I hope it comes back soon. The apartment building behind us is apparently on a different power grid as they didn't get power back until this morning. I would have been so pissed if I lived there! Because we live in an apartment & a generator is not really an option, we did keep the fireplace going (thank goodness we can burn wood!). We also played a lot of poker, blackjack, rummy, uno, and monopoly. By yesterday morning we were both starting to crack up a bit. We do have an emergency radio/flashlight/blah blah blah thing - it can be either battery-powered or hand-cranked powered, so we did have some Christmas music, which was nice. But still - "cabin fever" really can happen!

Yesterday we did go up North a little ways to where there was power restored just to be inside somewhere with heat. We walked around a mall, & I started having evil thoughts about everyone who did have power. Of course you could tell the people who didn't have power - the greasy hair and "I'm so over it" expressions - but the people who didn't have greasy hair were on my shit list. Not really, but it was to the point where Husband & I tried to get our hair cuts just to get a hair wash. SERIOUSLY.

We went to 2 movies yesterday: Borat and Apocalypto. Borat was hysterically funny. Seriously, go see it! Apocalypto was awesome - not at all funny, but excellent. It was such a great story. It's a little violent, but it doesn't feel gratuitous.

Since I work for a very large company, I get three paid days of Bereavement Leave per year. I'm taking that leave today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. The service was on Saturday, and in some ways it was nice to have a quiet, media-free weekend so I could take pause.

So what do I have planned for these few days? Oh, something very exciting - studying. That and getting all the Christmas presents sent out and Holiday cards written out and sent...oh, and packing since we're moving next week after Christmas. Sigh.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Holiday season. We had a tree up (fake, I would never tempt my cats with a real tree, yet)...but it didn't last long. It was only up for 2 days, and in that time it got taken down approximately 12 times. No, really. Apparently my cats hate Christmas. Little grinches. We decided it wasn't worth the fight this year when we're not even going to be home during Christmas weekend. If we were, I might have considered nailing it to the floor and/or tying it to the walls with fishing line.

Well, it's about time for me to go back to sleep for a spell before I get up and commence studying (*sob*). Have a jolly day.

Life is beautiful

My grandfather passed away last night. He wasn't really in much pain, which I'm very grateful for. He was also my last grandparent. I am so glad I was able to go when I did.

Those of you who still have grandparents, cherish them.

In which the Negligent Gnomes broaches a very serious topic.

On Friday I had to take an emergency trip to Michigan to see my Grandfather. He is dying. Almost all of us grandkids came. I am exhausted. I am emotionally drained. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get up and go to work tomorrow morning.

It was very hard to go and see my Grandpa, who was a farmer, looking so frail and bedridden, hardly able to speak. He was aware all of us grandkids were there, and it did make him smile and cry to see us. I'm so glad I was there, although it was so hard. He is ready to die, and kept saying "I'm ready to die", "why can't I die"... I don't want anyont to interpret this as me being heartless or cruel, but I can see where there's a time and a place for helping people die. Would it really be so terrible to be able to hand someone a button they can push where they can just quietly go to sleep? My grandpa isn't eating, he's hardly drinking, and he just wants to die. Yesterday he said my grandma was there with him, and she died about 8 years ago. He also called each of us in one at a time to impart his final words of wisdom.

All in all, I don't think I've ever cried so much in so few days. But I'm so glad I was there.

Open Letter to the Gentleman Sitting Next to Me on the Bus this Morning

Dear Sir:

I'm sure you are an upstanding, decent, well-liked human being. In fact, you appear to be at least mildly successful in your career of choice. I'm happy you dress well and seem to act like an adult, unlike other bus riders Who Shall Remain Nameless. And you do seem to be a genuinely nice person.

However, I have a small complaint. It's regarding your arse. Or rather, the noxious odors that were so frequently emanating from your arse this morning. Sir, it would seem you have a rather serious gastrointestinal problem judging from the toxic smells your arse was emitting. Now, I am not completely hard-hearted; I understand that occasionally you may eat a few too many flatulence-inducing items for dinner. I myself am a vegan and eat lots of vegetables and soy products, which do not always lend themselves to a sweet odor wafting from my rear. However, sir, you did not smell as if you'd merely had a big plate of broccoli and onions for dinner last night. You smell as if you are on the verge of needing to have some serious colon work done.

Sir, if you are in the same state on a future morning wherein you may contemplate sitting next to me on the bus, please don't be offended when I either (a) get up and move as far away as open seating will allow, or (b) pull out my handy-dandy gas mask. It was all I could do this morning not to vomit.

Thank you ever so much for your future kind consideration of my nose.

Sincerely,
Me