What do you do?

I got a bad haircut today.

This isn't such a foreign thing - I've had my share of bad haircuts.

However, I thought I'd found my hair person. Every haircut I've gotten from her has been awesome.

Today that all ended.

I said I just wanted a trim and I ended up with layers. And the worst thing is that the top layers are uneven - my left side is shorter than my right. I'm so upset. The whole reason I got the haircut is because they take your picture at the swearing-in ceremony on Monday. I was trying to grow my hair out a bit, and now I'm afraid when I go back to get it fixed (better be tomorrow), she'll have to cut it shorter to fix it. I'm so upset.

I don't want to go back to her now because I don't trust her. I mean, she screwed up my hair today, so how do I know she'll be back to her usual form and fix it properly?

Ugh.

I HATE having bad hair that I hate.

Good news!

I got the job!!!

My future boss called me himself this morning to extend the offer. I am SO excited about it! I start July 2nd. I want to say more about it but can't.

Hooray!

Pirates and interviews and mortgages, oh my!

Lots has happened in my life, and I think the best way to sum it up is via a list. I know this may seem like a cop-out, but tough - you'll just have to deal.

1. I interviewed for an internal position within my current company a week ago Friday. I should hear by Tuesday if I got it, which all signs are pointing to "YES". Apparently they want to fill the position internally & I'm the only internal candidate they were considering (as of last week, that could have changed); also, I guess all the feedback from my interview has been really good, so keep your fingers crossed. I'd be doing cool things like reseach (yes, I'm actually excited about it). While I wouldn't be practicing, per se, the only reason I was considered for this position is because I passed the bar and will be sworn-in shortly. And the direction they want this position to go in would involve giving legal advice, so it's all cool as far as I'm concerned. And it'd be a lot more money that I'm currently making, which is good!

2. Last night we went to see Pirates. It was wildly entertaining and I enjoyed it...of course any amount of time spent starting at Mr. Depp is considered a success in my book. (He's always #1 on my List.) And um, HELLO, can we talk for just a minute about how hot Orlando has gotten? Husband reached over and wiped the drool from my chin at one point...I don't know what happened, but I think he might be a contender for a spot on my List.

3. Friday evening we went to see one of the Seattle International Film Festival movies - Death at a Funeral. HIGH-larious. Seriously, one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while. I would strongly recommend going to see it! Husband & I laughed our way nearly through the entire film, and at one point I was laughing so hard I was crying. It was awesome. I highly recommend it.

4. In perhaps the biggest news of the last few weeks, Husband & I put an offer on a townhouse today. It's terrifying and exciting. We don't know if we'll get it because there's already an offer on it, but it's contingent upon them selling their house. Now that we've put in our offer, they have 5 days to clear up their contingency or we get it. Since weekends don't count, they have until Friday at 9:00pm to sell their house. I'm trying to remain very phlegmatic about the whole thing because there's a good chance we won't get it. I'm trying to retain the attitude that if it's supposed to happen, it will.

5. Swearing-in!!! I get sworn-in on Monday, the 11th. This Thursday, my aunt is flying in from Chicago, and on Friday evening, Husband's mom & step-dad are flying in. They're all leaving the next Tuesday, so it's going to be a fun weekend of family. The last time my aunt & mother-in-law were together was at our wedding, so they're really excited to see each other, too.

I think that about covers it. Send me/us good wishes for me getting that job and the house!

I quiver for you, oh brave California peeps!

I remember what this was like...counting down the minutes, trying not to die, hating the evil CA bar examiners for having the balls of steel to make it a minute-by-minute countdown for bar results.

For all of you waiting on results, my hat is off to you. You are brave, and you'll be fine, no matter what happens! Hugs!

***
In other news, I interviewed today for an internal position at my current company. It'd be in a completely different part of the company, and sounds like it would be a great fit for me. Oh, and the fact that I'd be making a LOT more bank in the new position doesn't hurt! I have a really good shot of getting it because (a) I'm licensed (okay, WILL be as of June 11th), and (b) the manager wants to hire internally and according to the recruiter, I'm the only internal candidate he's considering. In a shocking turn of events, he wants to move quickly with this; I guess he'll be out of the office the first 2 weeks of June and wants to decide before then. Which means next week. Augh! So keep your fingers & toes crossed that I'll be relaying some very good news a week from today!

Life on the other side!

So here's how it all went down on Saturday. I kept thinking I was going to lose my breakfast, and decided to check the state bar website for shits and giggles. As soon as I saw the link for the results, my heart nearly stopped. No, really, I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest. I finally scrolled down and as soon as I saw MY NAME WAS ON THE PASS LIST I burst into tears and sobbed (and sobbed and sobbed). I've never cried that hard over happy news! I just couldn't believe it. I kept making Husband pinch me. I'm still feeling emotional whenever I stop and realize I PASSED. I finally printed off the pass list so I wouldn't keep going back to the website to make sure my name is still on the list. It's just the most surreal, fantastic, amazing, humbling, gratifying, vindicating, AWESOME feeling ever. I'm just so grateful I passed. And so excited!

And can I tell you how much fun job hunting is now?!? I spent a good deal of time this weekend looking at the jobs that are out there. I met with another recruiter today; so far, none of them are telling me the relationship is exclusive, so I'm fully enjoying whoring it out with every agency I can, as well as any and all contacts I have. I really want to do estate planning (with maybe some land use thrown in), so I'm now turning my powers on to envisioning my future job and salary, etc., and I can't wait to start interviewing.

Oh, and how did I celebrate? I had wine and good food and champagne and shopping and sleeping and being lazy and napping! I got an awesome, brand new suit, and Husband got me a gorgeous new watch. I feel so professional and spiffy now! Also, tomorrow night Husband & I are going to see the touring cast of RENT! I'm so excited about seeing RENT! that I have to add the exclamation point. RENT! Yipee!!!

I guess I could sum all this up by saying that I've been disgustingly, deliriously happy all damn day. I'm just so buyouantly happy that I felt like I was floating all day. I tell you what, this is one of the BEST feelings I've ever had; I wish I could bottle it up and pull it out on crappy days.

I'm also excited because being licensed means I'll get to fulfill a very long-held dream to volunteer at a women's shelter, in a legal capacity. I can't wait to get started on that!

OH - I got Tori's new CD today; it fucking ROCKS! Go get it immediately!

SAY WHAT!!!!

I PASSED THE BAR!
I PASSED THE BAR!
I PASSED THE BAR!
I PASSED THE BAR!
I PASSED THE BAR!

Please place your tray table in the up-right position and firmly grab your vomit bags...

We're down to a matter of hours.

I am fucking freaking out.

I keep having waves of nausea wash over me.

I was feeling only mildly terrified until I decided to catch up on my blog reading...and discovered someone who found out they hadn't passed. I don't know what state they took, but it's just so sucky. And reading their post resulted in the bottom of my stomach dropping out, and ever since I've been vacillating between: being "calm" and being able to tell myself I'm going to be FINE because I KNOW I PASSED and almost bursting into tear and needing to run to the bathroom and loose my breakfast.

I'm just so terrified and worried and OHMYGOD CAN THIS JUST BE OVER WITH ALREADY.

Which is why I'm trying to distract myself with a terrible movie on USA - "The Triangle"...it's a bad movie at it's best.

Regardless of whether or not I actually do throw up in the next approximately 2 hours, I am ready for this to be over and to start the serious partying.

Countdown...and...GO!

Isn't there a song to the effect of "hey hey wait a minute Mr. Postman..."?

Well, on Saturday, my postman will be bringing me a Very Important Letter. VIL. Namely, this VIL will begin with "Congratulations...". My PASS! letter! Part of me CANNOT WAIT! Woo-hoo! I'll get to par-tay down like a rock star on Cinco de Mayo!

On the other hand...the closer it gets the more I fill with nervous energy/anxiety/dread.

I think I am excited because I am going to have ALCOHOL on Saturday! Yay! I haven't really been drinking since November - it's a calorie thing. I've been doing a lot of serious exercising and calorie-counting - even keeping a food diary. Oh, I'm totally hardcore. :)

Where the hell have I been?!?

Well.

I have returned.

At least for the moment.

Best Buy has my computer hostage. Or, rather, they sent it back to the factory to get fixed. It was supposed to be a 5-7 day trip... it's going on like 2 1/2 weeks. Sigh.

What have I been doing?

Well, I have just been. I have officially reached my tolerance for my current job. I am essentially a secretary (although that's not my title), and I'm so fucking sick and tired of doing it. On Tuesday I went to see a recruiter/headhunter. Bar results come out in 21 days and I am eagerly awaiting my pass letter (I've been using the law of attraction).

I know it's usually better in retrospect, but I just can't fathom that point of view right now. And while, in theory, it's nice to work for a large (mammoth?) company, I'd gladly trade the benefits for a job I enjoy and look forward to. There's a big difference between having a job and a career, and I'm ready to have a career.

And don't even get me started on my 2 bosses. Suffice it to say, I have a mental notebook full of things not to do when I'm the boss.

I am trying to stay positive and focus on the fact that there's an end in sight, even if I can't see that right now. And I'm really trying to visualize being in my ideal job in 6 weeks. That may seem a bit lofty, but anything is possible, right?

Computer too attitudinal for use!

Sigh.

My computer is being retarded again.

It's doing that thing where it won't charge even though it's plugged in.

This time I think it's a connectivity issue and it'll have to get sent in... sigh.


In other news, my parents are in the area. I have also seen firsthand how much of a stress eater I am. Holy cow. I don't really have a great relationship with my parents, and honestly I can't wait for them to go home. And they're down at my sister's right now. I haven't really drank since November (there was an, um, incident that may or may not have involved an emergency room and absolutely no memory of a flight. ahem.) but since my parents flew in I have been drinking again. Alcohol is one of the only ways to deal with my parents. They're leaving on Monday (after a week and a half!) and I tell you what, I don't think I've ever looked so forward to a monday before. I don't mean to sound like an ingrate...I'm just being honest.

300... reasons to love blood?

I went to see the movie 300 tonight. I figure after all the movies Husband has seen for me, I owed him this.

I had a few thoughts...

Who is that actress? She looks like Brooke Shields. Except her voice doesn't sound like that. Who is she?

He might want to see a dentist about those teeth and gums.

Okay, he's cute, but he always plays a slimey character. And what movie have I seen him in?

Are all those 6-pack abs airbrushed on or done with computer?

Holy risk of hepatitis, Batman! Seriously, close your mouth - all that blood flying around just isn't sanitary.

Can I look yet? Is this current massacre on a pause yet?

Overall, aside from being incredibly blood-filled, it was kind of a cool looking movie. It was still awfully gore-filled.

Cunning verbal linguist

"I am more than sufficiently fine."

"These last few twitch-inducing years with Bush as our president."

Oh yes, cunning linguist am I. Your knees should be sqeaking with awe and dread.

Obviously I have gone mad.

I can't do anything but sleep!!!

I don't remember the last time I slept so much or felt so tired! Yesterday I slept in, took a marathon nap in the afternoon, and by 10:00 pm I was exhausted. This morning I woke up early (I still got 9 hours of sleep last night), finished the novel I started last night, cleaned the apartment (FINALLY!), and when I got out of spending a half hour in Old Navy buying some much needed new work clothes, I felt exhausted again.

What the hell.

I guess my body is still decompressing from the exam.

The exam itself was good - I feel great! The first morning I nearly didn't make it; the alarm FAILED! TO! GO! OFF! It was set, checked, double checked, triple checked, so it was a fluke. I woke up 20 minutes after I had wanted to leave, and ran into traffic in my mad rush to make it to the convention center. I don't remember if I even stopped to put deodorant on, but I made it with 10 minutes left of registration. If I hadn't made it in time, I wouldn't have been able to take the test.

There were also a few moments where my computer decided to not recognize it was plugged in, but WE MADE IT THROUGH, my computer & I!

So now I'm just looking forward to receiving my "Congratulations..." letter. And yes, I'm visualizing it every day! I know my test is now in the hands of the graders, but I don't see any reason why I can't still use The Secret (you know, that Law of Attraction?). If I receive the thoughts I send out, then I'm definitely going to keep visualizing my congrats letter. As all of you should, too!

I watched 2 Harry Potter movies since the exam! Lovely! I've read an entire novel! Wonderful! I've done a thorough cleaning of my apartment! Clean is good! I've almost finished with ALL the laundry! Yay for clean clothes! And perhaps the most exciting of all, I have new clothes to wear to work this week! HOORAY for new clothes! I'm going to look spiffy this week - I may even break out my pearls - wooot!

The thought of having tomorrow evening totally free - not that I was naughty and took a weekend off, but that I'm done studying! Hee! The thought makes me feel downright giddy! If I wasn't so tired, I'd want to stay up late and enjoy the recklessness of it. :) However, I have decided to swear off Starbucks - my bank account & my thighs could use the break, so no frouffy drink for me tomorrow...which means I need to go to bed now. And I think I just heard the dryer stop, which means I can put clean sheets on the bed. I heart sleeping in a bed with dryer-fresh sheets.

What About Bob?

I am watching What About Bob tonight...trying to stay calm, zen-like, cool, collected...keep the chaos quieted to a dull roar.

I'm trying not to be nervous, or at least not let the nervousness be anything other than extra energy.

I'm trying to remember The Secret and staying positive...knowing I have studied, knowing I'm prepared and that I'm going to pass.

Except I still have all this nervous energy...

I'm going to pack up my stuff (computer, pens, etc.) at 8:30...pick out my clothes for tomorrow, make my sandwich. I think it's the Type A in me...

BEST OF LUCK to everyone taking the exam tomorrow. I hope we all maintain our confidence, stay focused, and have the recall we need. We're going to be FINE! Let's get in, nail the questions, and get out!

Here's to PASSING...

You know that feeling? That one feeling?

That feeling where it's like you're vibrating underneath your skin and no matter what you tried to do you wouldn't be able to do it because you can't sit still or focus because you're vibrating and on the VERGE OF PANIC?!?

That would be me right now.

I was just explaining this to one of my friends and she asked "do you feel like you could just burst into tears?" I said, no, but I see that on the horizon.

I had really wanted to get through 9 more essays today. I don't have to fully write them out, just issue spot, ideally write out the rule. The first essay I did this morning (I had a day total of 10, not unrealistic considering what's happening in like 2 1/2 MINUTES), when going through the answer, I started feeling panicky -THERE'S NO WAY I CAN RECALL EVERYTHING. AUGH!

I'm trying to focus on the fact that I will recall what I need to, when I need to. I have studied. I have memorized. I have written lots and lots of practice essays. My tutor says I'm going to be fine, and I suppose she would know! But still the panic.

I'm trying especially hard to use The Secret today (you know, that law of attraction thing? Oprah had a show on it recently?), and not let the panic and fear overtake me... I am going to be fine. I will be able to recall what I need, when I need it. I am going to pass. I can visualize each essay question being one I will successfully answer. I am visualizing getting my PASS! letter on May 4th. I'm going to be fine. I can do it.

That helps somewhat, but I'm still left with the question - what do I do today and tomorrow that will be effective and a not me just feeding the panic? (Aside from psyching my cats out with the laser pointer toy, I mean.)

Oh, the savagery...savagry? Um, how about "oh, the oh"

Today I called in sick. Yesterday I was feeling itchy about the exam and thought taking today off to study would help me feel less itchy. It did.

I did a record 14 essays today. Jeebus. I am F-R-I-E-D. My fingers would not like to type anymore today, thank you very much.

I was hoping to actually do at least 2 more essays, but my fingers got together with my brain and they had a mutiny. I could almost feel my brain screeching to a halt. And as you can see from my inability to spell one of those words in my title, my brain has already gone off to bed for the night.

Sigh.

I am going to be SUCH a happy camper next week!!! Hallelujah!

Computer: Thou Art Healed!!!

Well well well.

It would appear a new power adaptor has SOLVED the problem!

I actually received my mother-in-law's spare laptop yesterday, so if this hadn't worked, I would have still been able to type. However, it's still a *HUGE* relief to know I can use my own computer!

I guess that's all I have to say about that...very anticlimactic, don't you think? Ah well, better this than me having to be prevented from throwing my laptop off my balcony.

***
In other news, some completely bogus company by the name of "leanrx.net" somehow got our credit card information and charged almost $250. Husband noticed it when he freaked out about our credit card bill (we don't use it - just for auto-monthly payments). Apparently, there are tons of people who have been ripped-off by this bogus company, and there's no way to contact them. Evidently all phone numbers are just automated, and all emails get bounced back. I'm just glad they got our credit card info instead of our debit card info! That would be terrible.

Anyways, you should all carefully read over your statements - bank and otherwise. Oh, and I guess this bogus company also has the name "Dreamsmile" and sells hoodia diet pills. Oh, and you never actually get any merchandise for what you're being billed for. Good thing I'm not upset and seriously thinking about getting one of my licensed cohorts to sign an angry lawyer letter.

A few things I'd like to say to Bill Gates or How to have a breakdown 2 weeks before the bar exam or how attractive a plain old pen looks about now

Slightly more than 2 weeks prior to the bar exam is not a good time to be having laptop problems.

I've known for a little while now that I need to get a new battery, as mine refuses to hold a charge for more than an hour and a half, which won't get me through the exam. However, last week, my computer decided to ramp up my stress level by not recognizing it was plugged it when it was plugged in. This is a problem.

I went to Best Buy and they don't know if it's my power adaptor or where it connects into my computer. They are getting me a new battery & a new power adaptor ('cuz it's still under warranty, thank goodness!), but they won't know until it gets here. When will it get here? Don't know. Because I'm getting it under the warranty, I can't pay for expedited shipping. It should be sent out on Monday, and should get here around Thursday.

If the power adaptor doesn't fix the problem, they'll have to SEND AWAY MY COMPUTER, which would probably leave me WITHOUT a computer for the exam...which I am supposed to be TYPING.

So, what do I do, what do I do. I mean, aside from cry in the middle of Best Buy. I decide perhaps I should get a backup computer - not open it or anything until I find out of my computer is okay, but have it for peace of mind. Because that is pricess at this stage in the game.

That would be very fine and well (aside from the fact I'd be out quite a bit of money), except every SINGLE LAPTOP FOR SALE IN A STORE comes with VISTA OPERATING SYSTEM. Does Examsoft work on Vista? NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE. Examsoft only works on Windows 2000 or XP. Best Buy still sells XP, but in order for that to be an option, I'd have to buy the computer with Vista, buy XP, and pay the Geek Squad to install it. Then if my computer turned out to be totally fine with just a new power adaptor, I'd be out the money I spent on the software & the Geek Squad, not to mention the restocking fee Best Buy would charge me if I returned the laptop.

Best Buy can order specialized laptop with XP on it, but I COULDN'T RETURN IT. No really. They told me if I did that I would not be able to return it. I laughed a little hysterically and told them "THAT'S NOT EVEN COMMERCIALLY REASONABLE!!!"

I came home, and there are only two computer companies that even offer XP as the operating system anymore - Gateway and Sony. The Dell salesperson laughed at me over the phone when I asked about XP instead of Vista.

And if I were to order a Gateway or Sony laptop, there's still the issue of getting it time. Not to mention the fact that I haven't been able to get in touch with Examsoft people about re-downloading it, which I'm not even slightly prepared to deal with at this point.

Here's what I'd like to say to Mr. Bill Gates: WHO'S BRILLIANT IDEA WAS IT TO RELEASE VISTA 2 MONTHS BEFORE THE BAR EXAM?!??? Seriously! If you could have waited until March I'd have no problem with you. None. It's obvious you and your marketing team (or whomever decided January was a good release month) have no thought for the fact that there are thousands of bar takers depending on your keeping us supplied with XP through this exam, at least until Examsoft gets on board with your operating system.

I could use Husband's mac laptop (if the WSBA allows mac usage), but his adaptor is currently being held together with tape. No, I'm not kidding.

As it turns out, in a very anti-climactic but seriously relieving solution, my mother-in-law is sending me one of her many extra laptops - the newest one. It has XP on it. She is a fucking lifesaver! Seriously. When she told Husband she'd send me one of her laptops to use, I cried hot tears of relief - I didn't even realize how stressed out I was about it until I was able to be relieved! (I mean, aside from my little "episodic" breakdown in Best Buy.) Still, however, this has brought to light how ridiculous this really is. Using my laptop was supposed to make this whole process easier, not make me want to tear out my eyebrows and run back to the hand cramps of pens.

having ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

..wherein every fucking thing is driving me fucking mad!

-the fact that I have to work as an assistant

-2 of the 3 girls I'm in a "cube-box" with drive me crazy

-1 of the above-mentioned girls does this SUPER fucking annoying thing where EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME she's on the phone, she rubs her hands together. how do I know? the SOUND drives me fucking NUTS

-the same hand-rubbing girl has one of THE MOST obnoxious laughs ever.

-this is the same girl who leave her cell phone on audible ring DESPITE my asking her to put it on vibrate AND despite her leaving little post-it notes for me to LEAVE MY CELL PHONE ON SOMETHING SOFT SO WHEN IT VIBRATES, IT'S NOT NOISY. how fucking rude.

-oh, and the ring tone of her work phone is also driving me FUCKING batty.

-both of my bosses are driving me FUCKING batty.

-the fact that I just ate my lunch and then DEVOURED 2 normal-sized cookies, must to the distending of my belling and ensuing uncomfortably bloated and full feeling.

-the fact that I am so sore this morning I decided not to work out and go shopping instead.

-the fact that every single piece of crap clothing that I tried on at Macy's while shopping in their 50-75% off sale section fit my body like fucking crap, and that sizes keep fucking getting smaller because I am WORKING my ass off at the gym and I'm still not seeing smaller pant-sizes. what the FUCK is up with that

-my skin. my skin is absolutely making me batty and I want to itch it off.

-my scalp. being lazy and trying to be nicer to my hair, I didn't wash my hair this morning (or even get it wet), as I washed it twice yesterday (yesterday morning & then at the gym); instead, I straight-ironed my hair so it would look nice because I knew I wouldn't be going to the gym and consequently having to shower. and now my scalp is ITCHY.

-the fact that I took the fucking time to straight-iron my hair when all my clothes make me feel dumpy, schlumpy, and not at all sleek and sophisticated. since the sleek and sophisticated clothes are all TOO FUCKING SMALL.

-further, the fact that my straight-ironed bangs contain 1 obnoxiously hostile piece that keeps falling in my fucking eyes and refuses to stay with the rest of the bangs.

-the fact that I can't control my fucking apetite and eat like I'm feeding the whole herd (which coincidentally apparently happens to be: my gut, my hips, both thighs, my upper arms, and my upper legs)

-the fact that I still have feelings of tiredness despite having slept 3 nights in a row (thank you, ambien).

-the fact that my fucking job is SO FUCKING BORING that I maybe, maybe have enough actual work to fill about 23 minutes in a day.

-the fact that when I call my local pharmacy to refill a prescription (ambien), the automated system uses the word "TELEMANDER". seriously.

***
And how are all of you?

Alls I gots ta say...

...is that in about 10 minutes, I am fully intending to be in bed, soundly asleep. I've had absolute crap sleep the last 2 nights, and the turbo kick box class I did today at the gym totally kicked my ass. I'm sore, tired, grouchy, and I'M GOING TO BED.

But first, I have to vent a bit. I work for a few people, and one of those people (not my main boss) is BITCH. B-I-T-C-H. I know I resolved not to blog about work because we've all heard about Dooce - but I just can't help myself at the moment. She is seriously the MOST difficult person I've had to work for in a long time. In all seriousness, I think she would probably benefit from medication...I know I'd benefit from her being on meds!!!

(Now let's just hope this doesn't get me Dooced, although I don't think anyone at work is aware of this site.)